by Sharla Chachere Costelow

(c) October 7, 2002

 

 

I have staggered
and wearily taken my steps
Upon this journey
of uncertain paths

 

Just as it seemed I knew
what was ahead
It faded..
as though it were a mirage

 

With faithfulness
and eagerness to please
I awaited my blessings..
as though it should be coming

 

And just as the dawn was
supposed to have brought the light
Everything fell out from
beneath me

 

In one second
of one hour
of one day,
hopes and dreams
became nothing more than futile
thoughts of yesterday

 

A life that was
It is no more
and even as I think of it now
It seems as though it was all
just a dream

 

Surely..
it must have been a dream
A fantasy in my mind,
This is how it feels
at times

 

How can it be
that eleven years of reality,
once ended..
can suddenly seem as though
it was only a dream?

 

I walked in a drunken
state of mind
Trying to find my way
through this whirlwind
My Lord! this whirlwind..
that hit so hard,
picking me up
and landing me down
in some kind of foreign land!

 

I was so lost
in this forest
of the unknown
Trying to find some direction
someway to somewhere
anywhere

 

Yet, with every turn
I could not see the light
and drunkenly
I staggered
trying to grasp hold
of this new "me"

 

Who was I now?
Where did I belong?
I prayed
I begged
I pleaded

 

And Grace.. ah yes Grace!
So lovingly it held me
Kept me from the dark
Grace..
it was not sent to guide me
nor was it there to provide for me
but softly.. gently
it was given to free me

 

Nothing is ..
until it IS
I cannot seek
what is not yet

So.. in discovering
who it is that I now am
I have realized..
who I am today,

once did not exist

 

Who I will be tomorrow
is someone I do not know
but I am who God created
the one whom He knew
the one whom He knows

For this reason
my feet will take the steps
upon this journey...
to who knows where?

but with each turn,
around the corner..
no matter what this world
throws upon me,
I will find again..
that tender loving Grace